QUOTES TAKEN FROM WORK PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS

. . or things you don't want to see on your appraisal

• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom, and shows signs of starting to dig."
• "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
• "I would not allow this employee to breed."
• "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
• "Works well when under constant supervision, and cornered like a rat in a trap."
• "When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
• "This young man has delusions of adequacy."
• "He sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them."
• "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
• "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
• "Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
• "A room temperature IQ."
• "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
• "A gross ignoramus --- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
• "A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on."
• "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
• "Bright as Alaska in December."
• "One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests."
• "Donated his brain to science before he was quite finished using it."
• "Fell out of the family tree."
• "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
• "Has two brains; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it."
• "He's so dense, light bends around him."
• "If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
• "Any dumber, and he'd have to be watered twice a week."
• "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
• "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
• "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm."
• "One neuron short of a synapse."
• "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he just gargled."
• "Takes him one and a half hours to watch "60 minutes".
• "Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."
• "The Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

As found on the Internet

E-mail us with any others that you have heard or seen that we could add to this list.